Its the "grateful" time of year where most people take a little time out to consider their blessings and what they're thankful for. For the last month I've been overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude. As we hit the 6 month mark of Jonathan's cancer being in remission, the enormity of what we went through and what we were able to endure with God's help continues to sink in. I hold Jonathan and Clara tight at every opportunity and just praise God that our family is restored. It could have so easily been a different outcome. If I'd waited just another day or two to take him to the doctor, his cancer could have spread to his bone marrow or spinal column. We tell people that he's our miracle child and that is no exaggeration.
I was struck too about the gift of faith that God has given my family. We talked with a friend recently who said that our faith and transparency during Jonathan's illness was a real inspiration to her. I can't take credit for any of that. We cried out and shared our pain and our hurt via our website because we needed that lifeline of prayer and encouragement. We had dark moments of doubt and fear but we had moments of clarity and the peace which surpasses all understanding as well. That was a gift from God. We didn't pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. We cried out to God and He answered. If our outcome had been different, I pray that we could still stand today and say that He is good. I lost my dad to cancer almost 7 years ago. God is good. We lost Jeff's mom to cancer when I was pregnant with Jonathan. God is good. I leave you with a picture of Jonathan we never shared. This was right after he was admitted to the hospital. He was in ICU and they decided to keep him sedated after a biopsy until the results came back in case they needed to take another biopsy. He wasn't handling anesthesia well because the tumors in his belly were so big, they were pushing against his diaphragm and making it hard to breathe. So they thought it was safer to just keep him under until they knew they had everything they needed to diagnose his cancer to be able to start treatment. Jeff stayed with him in the ICU that night and I remember walking out to the parking garage and just sobbing and begging God to preserve His life, to not let my precious child die. God was present in that moment of panic and fear. Not only is Jonathan physically restored but his personality and spirit show no signs of trauma. He talks matter of factly about if the cancer comes back that he'll get lots of toys and legos when he has to stay in the hospital again. He tells people thank you for praying for him, because God made him better. He isn't traumatized by what he went through. He's come out the other side as an optimist. I encourage you to take all your pain, all your sorrow, and all your hurt to God and allow Him to make changes in your heart that only He can make. God walked with me through the darkest moments in my life and I can still stand and still call Him good and thank Him for the gift of faith and of family and friends to walk this path with us. God may not change your circumstance but He can change your heart. We could look back and be angry and bitter at what happened to us. Instead we say, to God be the glory!
4 Comments
Michelle Bruce
11/17/2016 05:34:00 pm
I remember the first picture I saw of Johnathan in the ambulance grinning so big. He didn't appear sick at all. But he was. I'd pray over every comment about his health and your families struggle. And I praised HIM for your strength and faith. Johnathan will surely take his illness and help others.
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Lauren Goss
11/17/2016 10:22:14 pm
So beautifully written, Marianne! Thank you for sharing and thank you Jesus for healing Jonathan! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!
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Janice Felton
11/19/2016 12:36:11 pm
Marianne, that was beautiful. As you went through the deep waters, I felt your pain and was terrified we'd lose precious Jonathan. Your post brought a fountain of tears because I'm so very thankful to God for making Jonathan well again.
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Duane Highley
11/21/2016 01:11:14 pm
I praise God for you and your faithful witness. He blesses us all in so many ways.
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AuthorOur family has been through non-Hodgkin's lymphoma with our 4 year old and throughout it all we felt God's presence. My life verse is Romans 8:28. "God works all things together for good..." Archives
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